For up-and-coming leaders, networking can feel more like a necessary chore than a valuable opportunity. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way.
The discomfort of networking often comes from outdated approaches, such as transactional pitches, surface-level small talk and the pressure to “sell” oneself.
Done with intention and preparation, networking is a powerful way to build authentic relationships and open doors to future collaboration.
Below, 20 Forbes Coaches Council members share practical strategies for connecting meaningfully, building rapport and making a lasting impression—all while avoiding that “icky” feeling—to help rising professionals navigate live events with less awkwardness and more confidence.
1. Always Provide Value First
Skip the pitch; focus on adding value. Real networking means understanding others first: their business, goals and challenges. Ask open-ended questions, listen beyond words and sense what’s unspoken.
Then, add value. Share an insight, offer a tool or connect them with someone useful. When you always help first, you become a memorable professional. That’s how you build authentic, high-impact relationships. - Carlos Hoyos, Elite Leader Institute
2. Aim To Make One Meaningful Connection
Start thinking of these networking events as connection-building opportunities. Go in ready to share, connect and collaborate with others. Ask thoughtful questions and aim to make one meaningful connection rather than trying to meet everyone in the room. - Hanneke Antonelli, Hanneke Antonelli Coaching, Inc.
3. Identify The Source Of Your Feelings
Understand where the “icky” feeling is coming from, address it and move on. Typically, it’s coming from a place of feeling less-than. That’s natural at this stage. Acknowledge the “ick” and then move to the second thought.
Remind yourself that everyone starts at the beginning, and try to shift into a “growing” mindset rather than a “comparing” mindset. You deserve to be in the room. Embrace the opportunity. - Carrie-Ann Barrow, Scaling Strategies
4. Reach Out Ahead Of Time To Break The Ice
If networking feels intimidating, reach out before an event on public forums and ask who else is going to the event that has a shared interest in something you’re passionate about.
This will not only help you create a connection before the event, but it will also give you people to purposefully engage with while you are there. - Sundae Schneider-Bean, Sundae Schneider-Bean GmbH
5. Prioritize Authenticity Over Small Talk
Networking is simply building relationships. The “ick” factor comes from the inauthenticity that networking events can evoke (think small talk and fake smiles). Instead, express your genuine interest in people you enjoy and care about, and relax into an authentic conversation with them. - Joelle Jay, Joelle K. Jay
6. Focus On Good Conversation, Not Numbers
When attending a networking event, avoid “work-the-room” tactics. Doing this only leads to a handful of business cards and many forgotten names.
Instead, you can focus on having one or two engaging and meaningful conversations that lay the foundation for a potential future relationship. Networking should not be a numbers game but a relationship event. - Chris Harris, Chris Harris, LLC
7. Identify What Truly Motivates The People You Meet
Approach the networking event as a chance to genuinely learn what drives people, whether it’s their work, hobbies or passions. Set aside the sales pitch and step into a curious, open mindset. Focus on discovering something new about each person you meet. Aim to listen more than you speak, and let curiosity guide the conversation. - Susan Curtin, Insights4results, LLC
8. Prepare With Purpose And Ask Thoughtful Questions
Networking authentically takes practice and intention. Prepare in advance and think about questions you can ask others about themselves. Be curious about others and their reasons for being there. Ask and listen more than you speak.
Find out what they may like about the organization or about their career journey. Go with the intention to learn and share what you can offer others. - Christine Alvarez, Your Next Next
9. Lead With Curiosity, Not Promotion
Networking should be less about what you share about yourself and more about how you can connect with and learn about others. Reframe networking by shifting from viewing it through a lens of promotion to one of genuine curiosity to learn.
This can help you stay grounded in an authentic purpose and not feel “icky” or false. The more you want to learn about others, the more others will want to learn about you. - Katie Anderson, Katie Anderson Consulting
10. Suppress Discomfort By Taking Action
The key word is “avoid”—to avoid something means you deliberately choose to move away from it. So acknowledge the “icky” feeling, and then choose to act. Taking action suppresses the discomfort. Shift your attention away from the feelings and focus instead on the goal you want to achieve through networking. - Sandra Balogun, The CPA Leader
11. Align Your Purpose With A Clear Business Goal
I align my purpose with one primary business goal that networking at the event might help me achieve. This alignment keeps me focused on the bigger goal and on making the best use of my time at the event. I find myself far more motivated to move around the room and make important contacts that will help move me closer to my bigger goal. - Aaron Marcum, Breakaway365
12. Show Genuine Interest In The People You Meet
“Be interested”—this is the best piece of advice I got from a concierge at a five-star hotel in the U.K. That was his answer when I asked him what made him extremely popular and liked.
The most charismatic people have nothing to prove, nothing to hide; they can and want to make others feel valued, seen and understood. The bare minimum is to look interested, at least, and know that you will be interested later on. - Csaba Toth, ICQ Global
13. Keep It Casual; Intentionally Select Connections
Chances are, the people actually attending networking events aren’t bothered by the “ick” or don’t get the “ick” from attending an event. An up-and-coming leader can keep the interactions casual with a handshake, an introduction and an invitation to get more acquainted outside of the event.
Using the event to intentionally select connections can make for a higher-quality, long-term connection. - Alecia Wellen, Alecia Wellen Coaching
14. Help People Connect With Each Other
Show your capacity to make connections. Intermingle with a goal of trying to connect someone you meet with someone else in attendance who may be of value to know. These two may be people you just met, but based on what you learned, you can connect them to each other.
This gesture of connecting others will create a positive impression and reinforce that you listen and care, while also expanding your network. - Sherre DeMao, BizGrowth Inc
15. Forget The Polished Pitch
Walk into the room with curiosity, not an agenda. Ask real questions, be genuinely interested and let conversation unfold like you’re meeting a future collaborator, not a contact. When connection trumps performance, the “ick” factor fades, and authenticity takes the lead. That’s where the real magic happens. - Veronica Angela, CONQUER EDGE, LLC
16. Make Networking More Playful And Intentional
Turn networking into a playful experience by setting personal goals and approaching conversations with genuine curiosity. I often use metaphorical cards as business cards, inviting people to pick one and create a deeper, more authentic connection. - Anna Boltenko, RE.SET Coaching and Mentoring
17. Turn Small Talk Into Shared Problem-Solving
Shift from collecting contacts to connecting dots. I teach rising leaders to arrive with three industry problems they’re genuinely curious about solving. This transforms awkward small talk into purposeful exploration. Authentic networking isn’t about working the room; it’s about making the room work together. - Nirmal Chhabria
18. Share The Value You Create; Ask Great Questions
First, when you’re asked what you do, give them the outcome of the value you produce. Second, focus on asking really great questions that get people talking. People don’t care about how much you know until they know how much you care! - Jenna D’Annunzio
19. Set Clear Goals, Know Your Value And Follow Up
Set clear goals: Why are you attending the event? Know your value: What do you bring to the table? And focus on making genuine connections: Be authentic, don’t force interactions and approach others as if you’re the host by being welcoming and interested. Follow up afterward to build lasting relationships. - Ula Ojiaku, Mezahab Group
20. Limit Interactions With Those Simply Collecting Contacts
Approach networking as an opportunity to build authentic connections instead of transactional exchanges, which produce those “icky” feelings.
Set modest goals for the number of people you’re going to engage with by limiting your interactions with those who are collecting contacts, résumé swapping and extracting value from others.
Instead, find those who are engaging with curiosity, asking thoughtful questions and finding shared interests. - Keirsten Greggs, TRAP Recruiter, LLC
