According to research from the Workforce Institute, 63% of employees and leaders believe that trust needs to be earned. Building trust is the backbone of a strong relationship. However, what if you’ve tried everything—open communication, assuming good intent, even actively supporting your colleague— and yet all these efforts fail?
Whether you don’t trust colleagues because they take credit for your work, they’ve let you down in the past, gossip too much, play the political game, are unreliable, or something else, you still need to find a way to work together. Taking a strategic approach puts you in a stronger position.
Accept the reality
Acknowledge your feelings of mistrust. It’s okay to feel this way. It’s a natural response to past experiences. However, don’t let these feelings affect your judgment or professionalism.
Emotional intelligence is crucial in managing complicated relationships. It involves recognizing your emotions, accepting your feelings, and understanding their impact. With strong self-awareness, you are better placed to determine how to respond wisely rather than letting your emotions dictate your actions. Remember, you’re at work to do a job, and success requires you to find ways to navigate complex and challenging relationships.
Own your part
Your approach starts with challenging yourself to examine how trustworthy you are in the context of this relationship. For example, do you deliver on your commitments in a way that makes you reliable? Do you own up to your mistakes so that you are accountable? One issue might be that your colleague views you as untrustworthy. Consequently, improving the relationship starts with uncovering, acknowledging, and accepting the part you have played and what you might need to do differently.
Establish boundaries
Don’t wait for your colleague to set the boundaries for your work relationship. Be proactive. Start by identifying what is most important to you. This step helps you determine the boundaries that align with your values and goals. This approach isn’t about isolating or excluding the other person. Instead, it’s about defining what’s okay and what’s not okay.
For example, if your colleague is constantly dumping work on you at the last minute, remember that you can decline requests that don’t align with your priorities or exceed your capacity. Be clear on why you are saying no and deliver the message positively. You might say, “Thanks for thinking of me. I’d love to be involved, but I don’t have the capacity at the moment. Can I get involved later?” You want to position the boundaries clearly and professionally while keeping the door open for future involvement.
Stay focused and consistent.
When trust is lacking, it’s easy to get caught up in personal feelings. Instead, shift your focus to the task at hand and concentrate on the shared goals and objectives. For example, if you are jointly working on a project, specify what each of you will do to complete the task. Being clear on the task and what’s required can help create a sense of purpose and direction, reducing the emphasis on personal differences.
In all your interactions, strive for professionalism and consistency. If you constantly shift your behaviour and are inconsistent, it sends a message to your colleague that you’re hard to trust.
Seek the similarity
Despite your differences, there’s likely to be some common ground. It could be a shared interest or a mutual acquaintance. When you find common ground, you start to recognize the similarities rather than focusing on differences. This approach elevates connection, making it easier to work together.
Leverage third-party support
If, after continued effort, you find the situation deteriorating, you can consider seeking help from a third party. This could be a supervisor, an HR representative, or a professional mediator.
The benefit of a third party is they can provide an unbiased perspective, help clarify misunderstandings, and guide the conversation constructively toward a mutually beneficial resolution. When leveraging the support of a third party, the goal is not necessarily to rebuild personal trust but to establish ways that the two of you can work together professionally.
Always think long-term
Sadly, not everyone plays nice at work, and politics is a reality of the workplace. Don’t let a colleague’s behaviour and approach negatively impact how you feel and show up at work.
Your reputation is one of your most essential career assets. Treat it as such by staying true to who you are and not sidestepping your values. When you gossip, play politics, or are overly negative, your reputation can slide. Always think long-term. In an era where you can never be sure where your career will land, you don’t want to find your career ambitions thwarted by something you did many years ago when you weren’t paying close attention to your reputation.
Working with someone you don’t trust is challenging but possible. Your strategic approach isn’t about changing your colleagues but finding a way to work more effectively together. After all, in the professional world, results matter, which means getting the job done means working with people you don’t necessarily trust.
